Journal Entry 1.9 J.T. Michael is Gone

October 20, 2021

Michael is gone.

Jade – “Morning neighbor.”
Neighbor – “Morning.”
I wouldn’t want to be you right this moment – Neighbor’s thoughts

Out of my life.

Jade just made her way through Park Lane… no Michael in sight… no Matthew either. Person we don’t know but obviously knows Jade… and her life.

Forever.

Stranger walking in the neighborhood 1 – “Forever is a very strong word. Ask me… I’m tired of waiting.”
Stranger walking in the neighborhood 2 – “I would wait forever with that face.”

After the exhibit he showered me with love and attention. Almost as if he felt guilty for not attending, and for lying about it.

Michael – “Comere you stinky you-“
Jade – “I haven’t bathe in two days.”

I went with the flow at first.

Later I just felt like it was all fake. For nothing.

Jade – “Mike, you never came to the exhibit. I waited for you even after it was all over.”
Michael – “Do you know who is here today? The oldest celebrity in town… I have to ask her for a photo.”
Young girl with grey hair – “Sounds like B-S to me.”

So, I confronted him about it. He dogged it.

Jade – “Can I please have two Mojitos”
Boy with ivory sweater – ” The oldest celebrity in town… I heard she likes meeting Asian men outside of coffee shops. Can you imagine?”

He is not the confrontational type. I remember my father was not the confrontational type either.

Old man with open shirt – “I was here for the pretty girls… don’t want to be looking at an old hag.”
Young man behind old man with open shirt – “You can say that again…”
Hannibal Lecter? – “I’m just here to observe the beauty of youth… and old alike. It’s all the creation of nature.”

I also remember my father was very manipulative and secretive with others.

Don’t get me wrong, he was a good man, I think.

Boys – “O.M.G! Can we get an autograph?? Can we meet you outside of the coffee shop?”
Michael –
“Darlings make sure the photos capture my youth.”

So; here is what happened:

Late September I went to a new bar in downtown Windenburg. Alone. I just wanted to get away from my life.

Exhibits, and glory as far as my career goes.

Pain and disappointment in my personal life.

Then, at the bar, I saw Matthew.

He was on stage playing guitar. I never knew that side of him. I never knew much about him really.

Mathew – “I have been playing here for a month now. The owner is an old friend.”

And that is what got me thinking about Michael and I.

How I didn’t know anything about him.

We had been dating for five months and I just realized, that day, that I had no knowledge of Michael’s life before me.

All thanks to Matthew.

Naturally I was devastated. I had to talk to Michael and find out why we were so distant when we had been so close. Or so I thought we had.

Jade – “We have to talk. We have been very distant for a while now, I know I have been busy, but Mike… I just think that…”
Michael – “I don’t know what you mean?”

The next day, I went to see him at his apartment.

Michael – “Everything is fine. At least on my end. Clearly not on yours.”

We talked. I asked him why had we become so distant, but he pretended I was crazy to think that way.

Michael – “I have been dealing with a lot of work. But its all fine Jade. Is this about not going to your exhibit? Still?”

He was acting aloof.

He has been acting that way for a while now.

Jade – “You would rather play stupid than to you actually try to clear up whatever it is that’s been clouding my heart?”
Michael – “Now we are getting very sentimental. I’ll get you a drink, you need one.”

In the end, the conversation didn’t go anywhere.

Jade – “Clearly I do.”

So I left feeling more insecure than I had when I walked in.

We didn’t see each other for three days. THREE DAYS.

That is a lot considering we used to be together ALWAYS.

The truth is, it was all a front.

Michael was just dragging the inevitable moment in which I caught him with another girl. So cliche. I know!

Neighbor – “This has been going on for days now.”

The worst part is not even that.

The girl was no other, than Cindy.

OCTOBER 28, 2021

I saw Michael at the GYM. He asked to talk. He seemed apologetic. Of course.

Jade – “What do you want Mike? Everyone knows now… including me.”
Michael – “Our relationship is private, no one holds the truth to anything. Let us talk this through like adults.”
Also please stop looking at my
pimple… – Michael’s Thoughts

I told him I didn’t need an explanation. It was very clear.

We made out.

Guy obsessed with Matt who’s name we still don’t know – “Breathe, breathe, breathe…
“Breatheeeeeee…
Woman with blonde hair – “Oh my! it’s hot in this place.”
Guy obsessed with Matt who’s name we still don’t know – “Om Shantiiii”
Yep, really, reaaaally hot Cute guy at the gym with bandanna thoughts

One thing led to another.

I’m so screwed.

Guy obsessed with Matt who’s name we still don’t know – “Not in my GYM bitch.

OCTOBER 30, 2021

Dear pages of this journal,

I feel so ashamed. I only come here when I’m in absolute and utter loss of hope anymore.

Jade – “I never thought I would be able to sell my art. But it has been an amazing journey so far.

What can I say? I was never very good at writing my story. But I understand, in order to form my legacy I must leave a form of log or detail account of my life.

Matthew – “You are pretty.”

Last night I was in the GYM’s closet with Michael… tonight I was having a good time with Matthew.

Yes. MATTHEW. I KNOW!

Jade – “Eehhh… I’m not falling for that smug again. But good try.”

Details. That word is pretty imposing. As if describing what I had for lunch and how many times I used the bathroom weren’t accurate details of a day.

Matthew – “Jade, I know what I did was awful. There is a lot that happened and although nothing justifies disappearing on you… it does explains why I had to leave.”
Matthew – “If I knew then what I do now… I would have never-“
Jade– “Why don’t we leave that for another day. Honestly I’m not in the mood for this kind of talk.”

We get selective with the details we want to share. I just want to tell you what is in my heart.

P.S. Matthew and I hung out like old times.

I put him up to date with my life, and he told me a bit more about what he is doing now. It was a good night. Tonight was a good night.

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