Journal Entry 1.4 J.T. The End of Our Friendship

November 21, 2020

It has been 8 months since I last wrote on these pages. Forgive me dear journal, but I have been busy falling deeply in-love… and out.

For a quick recap I have to say after the last time I came here to journal about my life, Mathew and I had made peace and become friends.

I was the happiest person. Not because a man was in my life, or because I had someone to go places with, and was not living like a homeless person anymore… but because I had companionship, and that companionship was Mathew. The person I wanted to be with.

Its absolute fun when you spend your time with whom you want to spend it with. 100%.

What’s not fun is when your friend, the person that is supposed to trust you and make you feel safe, actually leaves you like nothing that ever happened between the two of you was ever real.

Mathew seduced me. Then he threw me away.

That’s how I look at it.

It all started that morning on March 13.

Matt – “Hey…”

when we went to the city and he told me I was pretty.

Jade – “What’s wrong do I have something on my face?”
Matt – “You are pretty.”
Jade – “I’m pretty? I’m… are you talking to me?”
Jade – “I’M PRETTY??”
Matt – “Okay, okay, I get it… very funny. Still, I can say you are pretty can’t I?”
Matt – “But don’t let it get to your head.”

That was the first time Mathew had ever flirt with me. I couldn’t believe it. But it felt better than anything I had experienced in life till that point.

Matt – “I’m not just a Barista. I can cook too.”
Jade in the background where we can’t see her – “Yes I’m sure that fruit salad takes a lot of skills.”

We also got into the habit of going to the GYM together. Of course, I never told him what I was really doing at the GYM before I ever went with him.

Girl with blue and orange jacket… and lose hair – “Look at her, she used to be scrapping the leftovers, now she thinks she is all that because of Matt?”
Girl with blue and orange jacket, and hair in a bum – “I bet he would get a kick out of that.”

Have you ever seen a person look handsome when they are lifting weight? Because Mathew does.

Matt while lifting weight looking handsome – “Mother of pearls….son of a llamawoohooooooooooo!!”

My birthday was at the end of March, the 26;

and he made it a priority to come see me and celebrate it with me… even though I technically don’t have a roof… or door… or walls. Just my bed for sitting place.

Matt – “Okay so you what do you wish for?”
Jade – “I don’t know. Look at this place… it’s very depressing.”
Matt – “Oh come on… its your birthday and I came all the way here and you are going to act depressed?”
Jade – “Hey I know what to wish for! A damn house.”
Matt – “Okay that’s the spirit! Here is to a Damn House.”

During late spring we went clubbing a lot.

I made a new friend.

Her name is Cindy

Cindy – “Hey Jade, Matthew seems to listen to you a lot. You are best friends or somethin‘?”
Cindy – “Hook me up.”

But I quickly learned she was not really my friend because she liked ME, but because she liked Matt.

We stopped hanging out when I told her I was not playing matchmaker. Still… they dated for a couple of months.

Later in the summer I got a job as a bartender at the Skylights Bar.

I was still jealous of Cindy and Matt, and the minute I heard he was single again…

Jade – “Oh Matt… I’m sorry to hear you and Cindy broke up.”
Jade – “I know how much you liked her. I hope you are not too upset about it.”
Matt – “Oh it was just a fling. I mean… we are talking about Cindy… “

I took action. Surprisingly Matt didn’t get upset.

In fact we continued to hang out. Still as friends. We never spoke about “The Kiss”

It was not until early September when we went for drinks at The Lounge…

where btw, I have to pause to inform you dear journal

that I learned to play the guitar and make decent money out of that – well, it was not until then that things started to be different.

Matt – “Hey I hate this place I’m leaving.”
Also Matt – “Look never mind. I’m just not feeling it tonight. Okay?”

There were moments Matt seemed upset… almost angry… but then he would change his mind and act like nothing bothered him.

And of course, there was Cindy… she kept stalking him. EVERYWHERE… okay so did I. ONCE.

But… it sucks.

The last time I saw Matt we were at The Island

DJ MARIO was playing. Cindy was there too… STALKER!!!

I usually kept my distance from Matt when dancing… didn’t want him to think I was asking for his attention.

That day it was HIM

Matt – “Let’s make the best out of tonight. Like there is no tomorrow.”

He asked for MY attention

He came to ME

He hugged ME.

He made me feel special.

At night we stayed behind after everyone had left The Island and stripped naked in the pond.

Nothing happened beyond that.

Okay we did kiss. But it was all.

Okay… so there was more, but is too R rated for you, dear pages of this journal.

I do must clarify… I’m still a virgin.

That was the last time I saw Matthew.

It’s been 2 months.

November 22, 2020

I went fishing in the pond behind my lot. It was boring. I caught a bunch fish. There will be food in the fridge for a while…. if it doesn’t break… Oh yeah I found one of those in the scrap yard.

Isn’t he the guy from the coffee shop obsessed with Matt?Jade’s thoughts
Isn’t she the girl from the coffee shop obsessed with Matt?Guy from coffee shop obsessed with Matt’s thoughts

December 3, 2020

Today I just want to come here and say how much it hurts to be alone again.

At least I’m not stealing leftovers from tables, and “forgotten” clothes from closets.

I will come back again… I promise it won’t be a Journal about Matthew… or any other men… it will be all about ME. Hasn’t it been?

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