Feb 29, 2020
I guess coming to write in this journal every night is just not going to happen. I get it… if you are reading… whoever you are… you want to know every detail of my life; yet, I wish I could live life without all those details.
Mathew, or Matt – I do call him Matt – is not the person I thought he was. I have been trying to figure him out for the past week.
We hang out together, just him and I; but he pushes me away when I try to get close to him.
He calls me to talk;
but dislikes it when I see him at his job… even if I just happen to pass by… casually…
not meaning anything other than getting some coffee… I do have some money left from the work I did at the orphanage…
And talking about that. I want to have a moment in this journal to praise myself for finding a job…. of sorts. I have been painting and selling my art to collectors. What can I say? People like to collect weird things.
I was able to buy me a bed and now I can sleep in a mattress. My mattress.
Without a roof. Okay. Moving on.
I have to tell you dear pages of this journal that I am very much heart broken. That Matthew seems to have a problem I can’t fix.
One day he is my friend, the next, he is pushing me away like I’m a leper.
March 1, 2020
Today was an awesome day. I just got abducted by aliens.
No I am not crazy.
March 12, 2020
Love is in the air!!!
Matt loves me.
After he told me to leave him alone that one time when I was NOT stalking him at the coffee shop, I decided to do just that.
I now understand I can’t force people to like me. Did I ever really questioned that? Don’t answer, I’m just thinking out loud. On paper.
We have been hanging out again. Just the two of us.
Last night we went for Kareoke. He is really good I have to say. I suck.
He seems to be needing a friend, a female friend. I have to be there for him, if not as his lover, then as his friend. Because I do want to know him better. Understand him. Just like I would want others to try and understand me. Get to know me. Like me. Possibly.
Life is strange. I thought all I wanted was to avenge my father and take back the family name. But all I want NOW, is to be with Matthew.
It all started with him coming to visit me. I ran to greet him. I couldn’t help it.
He apologized for having been a prick in the past. I quickly forgave him. I hope it wasn’t too quick.
Today we had a toast to our friendship.
Tomorrow we go Downtown. Matt said he wanted to show me around. So many places to go, so many things to see, all I want is to be with him.
Aw…. that rhymed. And i’m feeling silly.
Good night dear pages of this journal. Until we meet again.
P.S. When we were toasting to our friendship, Mathew looked at me intensely. I wonder what that look was about…